Happy Muslim Mama: Whinging for Health

As one of my 40-day challenges, I previously listed not complaining for 40 days. The lovely Sister Umm Travis has also mentioned this as something to try on her blog (can’t find it now). I don’t like to complain and try to be positive, but I have to say, sometimes holding it all in is not the most productive thing.I have been feeling down for a couple of days. A mixture of being stuck inside, it being too cold to go anywhere outside, trying to avoid the sales and being cooped up in the house with mum-in-law who is not very well at all. I found myself feeling grumpy, then very down and then alarmingly passive aggressive, which is not something I usually do. If something is bothering me I will either say, or do something about it. It wasn’t long before I started to feel ashamed at making petty childish comments and pulling faces – it’s just not me and I was conscious that it is just cowardly and mean-spirited. Mum-in-law is going back to Pakistan for a few months in two weeks time and I don’t want her to go with a bad taste in her mouth at her daughter-in-laws behaviour after six good months under the same roof.In the end what helped was a good, long, hearty, all-out WHINGE to my hubby. I finally cornered him when he came to see what the long face was for. Men are usually not the best for venting on – where women listen, they try to solve everything and keep offering solutions. But hubby just listened this time. I complained about feeling trapped, about feeling unappreciated, about feeling like I couldn’t always do the things I wanted. I conceded most of the time this was in my head and I set up walls and boundaries for myself (“I know she must think that I am a spendthrift”…”I bet he thinks I am wasting my time”). I realised that he supported me in my choices as long as they were within the boundaries set by Islam – and this is more than enough for me.Once I had the whinging out of the way, I could put my anxieties aside for a while and we could discuss the future – the kids education, downsizing our home, cutting down my hours, returning to education, travelling, learning to drive, deciding not to learn to drive after all.We agreed on some things and I ended up much clearer on others. I feel sooooo much better, as if my cloudy headedness has gone, so much lighter too. I feel like I can get back to working out my plans without all of the nonsense that was going round in my mind.

I think I might not ban complaining altogether. I might even book a once every three-month slot with hubby to have a moan. Alhamdulillah for my easy-going husband.