Happy Muslim Mama: Ramadan Journal 2017: Day 12 – Fail

When I think ahead to the routine in the evenings during Ramadan, it all seems so positive: feeding and putting the babies to bed early, catching up with my Ramadan reading, spending a little time in the kitchen before sitting down with my family to make intense and lengthy dua (supplication), before opening the fast peacefully and enjoying my meal. Clearly I forget the chaos that happened the year before. The babies eat early, and then join us again for iftar, or better still, today refused to eat their food because they want to eat iftar – two hours before iftar time. I spend way too long in the kitchen and the older kids keep sneaking onto the computer the minute I turn my back and then promptly all turn deaf. I manage to drag them off about half an hour before to do a short taleem (study circle), which is currently reading daily from Virtues of Ramadan (from Fazail-e-Amal or Virtues of Deeds by Muhammad Zakariya Kandhelwi). The kids will take turns to loudly tell each other to be quiet before one of them starts to read in English and I translate into Urdu for mum-in-law. Darling will sit quietly sucking her thumb, but Baby insists on singing and jumping on sofas throughout. As soon as they finish they will try to head back to the computer and get warned to stay off of it. I ask them to sit and make dhikr (remembrance of Allah (SWT)) and make dua for whatever they need as the time when we break fast is considered to be a time when supplications are answered:

On the authority of Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) it is related that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said, “There are three people whose dua is not rejected; the fasting person until he breaks the fast, the just ruler, and the oppressed person, whose dua Allah lifts above the clouds and opens unto it the doors of Jannah, and Allah says: “I swear by My Honour, verily I shall assist you, even though it may be after some time.” (Ahmad and Tirmidhi)

Instead they start squabbling, trying to convince me to make chips and nuggets at the last minute or wander off. All of this I can deal with, it’s only when it comes to breaking the fast and I am trying to make dua and everyone starts trying to talk to me, arguing over who got how many nuggets and the babies start clamouring for food. It’s only then that I start to get annoyed. A few days ago I asked them to please allow me to make dua quietly for a few minutes. I told them they were not allowed to talk to me for a few minutes and I asked the babies to wait a few minutes for their food. Today they all starting talking to me at once and arguing over the chicken wings someone dropped off for them. The babies starting waving their plates at me because the other children had started eating. I got very cross. I shouted at the kids, quite a bit. My mother-in-law looked entirely unimpressed but decided to ignore the yelling. I felt absolutely awful. Ramadan is a time when you are supposed to try and control your temper, let alone right before you are due to break your fast and when you should be making dhikr and dua.

I think this is known as a parenting fail. I didn’t feel like eating much after that, feeling embarrassed and a bit ashamed for blowing my top like that. I am away for a few days without the kids this weekend. I am going to relish opening my fast quietly and making lengthy dua for two days. Then insh’Allah when I come back, I will remind everyone about some basic ground rules about computers, arguing at meals, talking to me when I am making dua and cheeky babies trying to gate-crash iftar.

My youngest and cheekiest trying to help in the kitchen