Happy Muslim Mama: Missing Gran

It’s been nearly six weeks since my gran passed away and I suppose things are settling down. People are still coming to pay their respects at the weekend and I suppose they will for some time as she was widely-known and well-loved. I haven’t cried and I haven’t even most of the time felt particularly sad despite being one of the people she was closest to. I could not work out why this was except perhaps that there were no regrets between us. She lived with me for two years, we use to have long chats, she would watch over my little ones and nag my husband. When she moved in with my parents I would visit her on my days off from work and catch up. She told me about her life and about my family’s history (respectfully omitting all the scandal – that I got from my mum) and she spoke to me about how much she missed all the people that went before her and left her behind: her husband, her brother, her parents – all of whom she idolised (may Allah grant them Jannah insh’Allah)I felt like we parted on the best of terms.Over the weekend though, I visited my mum on Friday night and the children caused havoc as usual, tiring my mum out. I thought I would give her a break on Saturday and didn’t visit. It came to me that if gran was here she would have wanted to know why I hadn’t been, she would be waiting for us all restlessly and no matter how much the kids annoyed everyone, ripped wallpaper and caused mayhem, she would have been over the moon to see us.I really, really missed that welcoming presence. There is a gap in that home where wisdom, barakah and worship used to reside.Of course I could not stay away. The pull of my mums couch, television and delicious food is too strong for that and of course she makes us welscome, but I do miss the one person whose welcome was so unconditionally loving and joyful.May Allah grant her ease in the next world and a home in jannah insh’Allah with those she loved. Ameen