Happy Muslim Mama: Mean Little Words

There are many things I love about my first born (Little Lady). Even though she is grumpy, impatient and rolls her eye so much I am surprised they haven’t flown off of her head (she will tell me off if she read this and accuse me of back biting her). There are still so many qualities I love in her: her courage (she is very brave like her dad and unlike me), she refuses to ever back bite, she is ambitious, and she is very capable – whether changing nappies, studying for exams or marching little sisters back to bed. Best of all, she is very straightforward – she will always give me a blunt and decisive answer. Whenever something is bothering me and I cannot get to the bottom of it – a rude comment, unkind or unexpected behaviour, someone being a bit “off”, she is becoming my go to person. She thinks I see the world through rose tinted glasses and that I deal with people too gently. This week someone made an unkind comment about my weight. I usually would have let it go, but it was someone I respect and it was said in a very blunt manner. It left me feeling very small and ashamed. I mulled over it and wondered if it was in carelessness and decided to forget about it. But I could not let it go. So that evening, I asked Little Lady what she thought. Did she wonder? Did she question? Did she have any ambiguities? Her response was:

”Mum – no one is that stupid, she obviously did it on purpose. Just pick the three worst things about her and roast her good”

It just cleared the whole thing in my head. I could draw a line under it and decide not to bother with that person. I probably won’t roast them (LL speak for insult them till they cry). I did make me feel a bit depressed about my weight for a few days. It made me think about how a few words or a sentence can have such a big impact. It made me wonder if I had said things that had that impact on others unknowingly.

It also served as a reminder I need to be a bit braver about challenging things that make me feel bad. I am careful not to say or do things that hurt others and I do not deserve the same back. Maybe in future somebody will get roasted 🙂 

Abu Hurayrah relates that Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak a good word or remain silent. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his neighbour. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his guest.” (Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim).