Happy Muslim Mama: August 2008

I am so flawed; my temper, my occasional bouts of stubbornness, my very loud (immodest) laugh, my love of all things beautiful and pleasurable (especially food, sleep and all things shiny and pretty), my occasional swearing when I flip and my impatience.

This awareness of my shortcomings gets me to thinking how I could possibly raise my children in the way that Allah (SWT) wants me to. All children are born perfect and pure, how do we ensure that we raise them without that good fitrah (nature) being destroyed.

How can we ever do enough – especially when it seems that time runs away from us so fast. I am terrified that my children will internalise my flaws. The answer I suppose is to work to correct yourself. As Albert Schweitzer said:

Adults teach children in three important ways: The first is by example, the second is by example, the third is by example.

There are so many issues to consider: Islamic school or state school? How do we get the balance right between academic excellence and the spiritual development of our children? How do we protect them from unIslamic values promoted by mainstream media? How do we give them the strength to rise above their peer groups and do what is right? How do we teach and discipline them without destroying the beauty and pleasure there is in being a Muslim?

I’m terrified of being found complacent and looking back and thinking I could have done so much better. But I have the feeling I am not the only one. So many sisters see their flaws and worry that they are doing it right. Perhaps therein lies an answer. That our concern, our worry and our anxiety about this indicates how much we care, how present these matters are in our thinking and how much they influence us. Someone once told me we get what we care and worry about. My grandparents generation came to the UK to earn money, it concerned them and they earned well but with many at the risk of losing their faith. My generation of parents now are making a conscious intention to improve their deen (faith) and care about their children’s tarbiyyah (upbringing) more than anything. They say that when you make sacrifices (of your time, energy and wealth) in the path of Allah (SWT) the reward is more than we can imagine.

Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Three supplications are answered without a doubt: the supplication of someone who is oppressed, the supplication of someone on a journey, and the supplication of parents for their children.” [Bukhari]